I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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