i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
