I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
