found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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