I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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