i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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