Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
