Sry I called you an 8
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
