Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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