How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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