I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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