Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
