Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
