my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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