this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
