It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
