Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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