P.S. I can't hear my feet
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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