she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
