You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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