Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
