He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Still dying that you shit outside
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
