You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
