I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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