oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
