Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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