goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize