I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
