My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
