look no pants
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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