You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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