btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
