I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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