So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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