Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
