"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
pop tarts are not kleenex
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
50% drunk capacity currently
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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