I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
