so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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