Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
