I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
