I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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