all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
