i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
