is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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