i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
pray to the hookup gods
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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