Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
