On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize