remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
