sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
