Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
