Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
