I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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