so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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