I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
