but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
did i walk over a car last night?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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