I can text with my tongue
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
