i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
