I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
